Tag Archives: Riding the Trust Train

Molly close-up skiing

Living with Pain

6 Replies

We all live with some form of pain from time to time, be it physical or emotional (and I imagine there is an incredible range of all types of pain, but for me, they all come back to these two: physical or emotional).

For most of my life, I’ve been free of physical pain. Sure, I’ve had bouts of this and that like everyone. Such as? Such as: cramps so severe that I needed to be brought to the university infirmary on a stretcher. There were also occasional ear pokes due to an inherited condition which called for several ear surgeries (in order to be able to hear), but overall, I’ve lived a pain free life.

Until this past February.

On one of the most fun days I’ve had in the past several years (while sliding down a small mountain of white), I dodged a person standing atop a narrow entrance way, landing on my right shoulder with all my weight and with all the force of a quick turn.

“Molly in Flight” from “My Life as a Mule: a fictionalized memoir or a memoir with a twist”

“That wasn’t a bad fall,” he said, after a quick apology.

Me?

I stayed quiet and smiled a weak smile. Though I landed on a pile of deep snow, I could tell something was amiss. Body part by body part, I surveyed the situation. Toes? Can wiggle. Legs? Intact. (My skis were still on, as well.) Head and neck? All good. Right shoulder? Voila! I found the source of pain that was starting to creep into my arm and digits.

I smiled.

I can still ski !!!

Gingerly, and rather awkwardly, I pulled myself back up. All alone atop the ski run (the day dreamer had left), I once again scanned my body.

I think I can do this.

So down the mountain I happily skied, while staying upright.

I delighted in 22 more ski runs that day.

Oh, how I love to ski and too many years had passed since I’d been at a ski resort.

This one in North Carolina was completely new to me, a small mountain in the southeast, nothing grand compared to what I’d experienced previously in the Rockies—but a mountain with snow, nonetheless.

I was in heaven.

Until the time arrived to walk to my van while carrying my skis and boots. Once back at my temporary home, I tried to rest and eventually sleep. Thank goodness for a pharmaceutical I had with me!

Fast forward to four months later. I’ve seen a doctor several times, am having physical therapy and continue to do her recommended stretches—as well as going swimming with Honu and tropical fish, albeit in an “old woman” kind of way, doing the breaststroke rather than my beloved crawl. Still, I smile and celebrate having a body.

So . . . will this labral tear turned into a frozen shoulder ever heal? Will I be able to swim freestyle again? Live without physical pain?

I have no idea. I’m told I will, but I really don’t know. I’ll just keep taking it moment-by-moment, trusting. Something good is always hiding in every experience.

Like what, Sj?

Like lots of things. I’ll make a list:

1. Because of this injury I’ve been able to continue my French language learning (a great go-to when I realized I couldn’t work on my second book while being in such pain. Language learning has been a solace my entire life.)

2. I finally found a great program for learning French that addresses the nuances of SPOKEN French. Ch’ui très contente !!! Not, je suis très contente like I was always taught. That’s just for written French or for when reading out loud. The French really say: ch’ui, sounds like chwee to us. And yes, I’m very happy (about finding this platform).

3. I met a most wonderful young woman who lives on the other side of the states, on another island where they speak French. We’ve spent about 3-hours per week (these past 3-months) conversing in French and/or English, albeit mostly in French. There’s an easy and organic flow as we switch back and forth between languages. We’re also finding that we can assist one another in even more life changing ways (in addition to the simple language learning). It’s been one of the best things I’ve experienced in my long life. Mahalo Ke Akua.

So, how can I not celebrate that “accident” on the mountain? How can I not recognize, once again, how all of life is only ever happening for me?

“Born alone, we die alone. And alone, we shall find peace.”

sj hylton lehoven — this 6th of june 2023

Thank you for reading my blog post. It’s been ages since I’ve felt the nudge to write publicly. The COVID-19 pandemic awoke my not so secret hermit self. I do continue to travel—I spent 3-months in Europe last Fall—but I haven’t felt the urge to post photos. However, having just said that, I do think I will share some graffiti pictures I took while in Paris. I had so much fun snapping shot after shot of compelling street art. And if I do this, I believe it would be best to do before heading south for a month—to an entirely new part of the world (for me).

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I wish you all well as you experience your own type of pain. May gifts hide in plain sight.

Aloha,

*** Sj ***

The illustration is by Jocelyne Champagne Shiner.

Here’s a Honu link that takes you to a fun short video about Honu!

Being in the Now

4 Replies

Being in the Now.

What does that mean exactly?

How can we just BE in this moment when there’s so much to do!

Projects.

People to see.

Bills to pay.

Life to live.

Earlier today I saw this word online: Focus.

A popular online personality said that she is going to make it her main word for the year –FOCUS. As in focus and get things done.

Okay, I thought, Yes, I do seem to get a lot done when I focus. It is definitely how I’ve been conditioned to BE in this world in order to be a productive, contributing member of society.

And yet . . .

There’s soooo much beauty. Soooo much peace when I’m BEing in the now. Savoring each breath. Noticing what’s going on around me. Within me.

And then I thought of TRUST. What it means to trust.

Okay, if I’m telling myself I need to focus. Put myself on some kind of a schedule. THEN I’m telling myself that I HAVE TO be that way in order to be productive. In order to accomplish whatever. Be a good citizen. Contribute to society at large.

And if I don’t, well, I’ll be a failure. Tossed about at the whim of whatever pulls my attention this way or that.

*****

And that brought me to some day in time when an image of a boat being tossed about at sea was the topic du jour. The warning of what can happen when one lives a life unplanned. Unfocused.

*****

And yet . . . when I reflect on my life, I recognize how unconventionally I’ve been living. How I have been letting myself be pulled this way and that by whatever is grabbing my attention in the moment. And still . . . in the midst of it all, I have been productive. Have accomplished things that could be considered successful to the outside world.

All while letting go and allowing the current to take me where it will.

*****

Okay, Sj, what are you trying to say?

Well, I think I’m trying to say that it’s possible to do both. To BE in the now and also focus on whatever interests us in the moment.

Because I’m realizing that being focused is as much a part of my nature as is daydreaming.

When I read a good book, I get lost in it. That’s focusing.

When I’m writing whatever, I get lost in it. That’s also focusing.

And when I used to compete in sports, I’d get lost in the moment. Thinking of nothing else except what I was doing. Another form of focusing.

And ALL part of my nature. Who I am.

So . . . on this Saturday morning when I thought I’d be out the door by now, I’ve been pulled to sit and write. To think and reflect.

Was it wrong? Should I have been doing something else?

No.

Because I’ve come to trust this guidance so well.

To trust my soul’s promptings.

It’s gotten me to where I am now. And this now is really, really good. ;-)

xoxox Sj xoxox

P.S. I made an Sj from the Heart video a few weeks back called “Being in the Now.” I had it scheduled to post on YouTube sometime in March (another video was going to be posted today), but . . . in the way that life just keeps unfolding and continually showing me that I’m not in charge, I changed which video would post today to the one you see below (to match this blog post). And there you go. Life is always, always changing, and we’re always, always being guided. ;-)

P.P.S. The image above is of a shower curtain, lol, being tossed about at sea. It is available for purchase if you like it. No, I don’t make any profit off of that, lol. Just find it funny that the image I found that I like is for a shower curtain. Also saw that it comes as a mouse pad and rug. Again, lol.

Pedrata Gotham Comedy Club

It’s time to laugh!

8 Replies

Sit back and relax. It’s time to laugh!

With Sj at the Gotham Comedy Club, February 2019.

Well, it WAS time to laugh along with this video. When I posted it. And for 6-months I left it up. But NOW I feel it’s time to REMOVE it from YouTube. (So you’re just seeing an image of the video that was.)

Why?

Because if I’m going to continue doing this, I want you to COME TO A SHOW! rather than watch on-line. Yes, I’d like for you to be surprised by what takes place. To not already have an idea of what’s to come.

So, MAHALO to those who checked it out while it was still up.

And MAHALO to those who missed it and who will find me in person someday (and perhaps you’re BOTH, someone who watched it and someone who’ll find me out in the world … ;-)

I will be taking a road trip soon and plan to continue to KNOCK MY SOCKS OFF WITH FEAR by going to open-mics all across the country.

Who knows what will happen?

I sure don’t!

But this I DO know. I’ll keep showing up.

Time and time again.

I’ll just keep showing up.

xoxox Sj xoxox

Pedrata at the Grand Canyon tower

Sj from the Heart: How to Trust

2 Replies

Lots of people have been asking me…

“Sj, how can you trust so much?”

So, I put a camera in front of my face and spoke from my heart.

And…off the top of my head.

To You from Me with ALL of my love.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Trust Train cube

A Year Into It…

Leave a reply

Riding the Trust Train

It’s been over a year now since I hopped aboard the Trust Train.

What’s it been like? What have I learned?

Well, there’s too much to tell in one video, but here’s a place to start:

Thank you for taking the time to sit and be with me.

Aloha,

✫Sj✫

 

Tracey, Sj and Jocelyne cropped (1 of 1)

1 Year Ago…

1 Reply

I met two friends from high school for dinner.

It was August 2017, and I had come to the mainland (from Kaua‘i) to write.

What was I going to write?

I had NO idea.

But I just knew that I had to write. I knew that it was time to rid myself of distractions. And make a commitment (to myself) to show up each and every day. Something was brewing within me, and I could feel that it needed to be shared with the world.

Yes, the world!

In time, I began to realize that it was simply a message of love. That you’re loved and perfect as you are.

Text from Tracey 8.15.2018

Written by Tracey, my beautiful friend on my right.

You can imagine how thrilled I was to receive this text and discover how deeply my expression of love (which revealed itself as my first book My Life as a Mule) touched my friend’s heart.

It still thrills me to the core of my being to know that something I wrote, OR more correctly, something that was written through me, brought joy to someone. A smile to their face.

Okay, Sj, that’s nice for you (you’re thinking), but what’s that got to do with ME?

I felt led to remind you that the world needs YOUR love as well! Yes, the WORLD!

No one but YOU can express the love that you are in the way that you do.

So, please, let your light shine! Show the world how very, very beautiful you are. We need you. Exactly as you ARE.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

✫ Sj ✫

And my beautiful friend on my LEFT is the illustrator of my book, Jocelyne Shiner!!!!!!

P.S. Wondering where you can order your copy?

Through Amazon.

I’ve written a book.

2 Replies

It’s coming out soon.

How soon?

In the next month.

Y E A H !!!

18 Dec 1954, London, England, UK --- The driver of the "bumpmobile" at right "bears" left to avoid hitting two shrieking females at a London fun fair. "Just a coupl'a human drivers," Susie the Bear remarks. The girls are Wynne Shearme (left), 23; and Marjorie Kennedy, 22. --- Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

Sj from the Heart: Grace

4 Replies

Grace isn’t just some character in a popular TV show I never watched.

Grace is what happens when we get out of the way and surrender to life as it is.

Not in a passive way, but in a way of acceptance. A way of trust.

What’s happening IS what’s happening. It’s as simple as that.

And once we live in acceptance of what IS, the magic begins.

Ever been in a bumper car?

We think we’re driving. But we’re not.

We steer to the right. But get knocked to the left.

We try to go forward. But it’s backwards instead.

Life’s like that.

We plan and plan and plan.

Think we’re in control.

And just when we least expect it, we get knocked up side the head.

The cool thing about Grace is that she’s super strong.

She picks us up.

Gives us a helping hand.

In ways we never imagined.

Everything we’re experiencing is happening for us.

Everything.

It’s guiding us. Steering us. This way or that.

And when we can let go of expectations,

desired outcomes.

Trust in the guidance that’s always there . . .

Well, who knows what will happen?

No one.

But this I do know:

Grace is always present,

always at the ready,

always there for us whether we realize it or not.

18 Dec 1954, London, England, UK — The driver of the “bumpmobile” at right “bears” left to avoid hitting two shrieking females at a London fun fair. “Just a coupl’a human drivers,” Susie the Bear remarks. The girls are Wynne Shearme (left), 23; and Marjorie Kennedy, 22

Pegasus Vanity Plate

A Mini-Camper is Born

8 Replies

Pegasus, aka Pegi has come to life.

It’s been a transformation fueled by Grace. Yes, Grace with a capital G.

And I have been simply a Witness watching it unfold . . . step-by-step-by-grace-filled-step.

Earlier this year when I realized that I’d be leaving Kauai for an indefinite walk-about, I imagined that I’d buy a vehicle in California (while staying with friends). But there was another plan afoot, a plan that unfolded right before my very eyes . . .

In August I went to Tennessee to visit family and experience the total solar eclipse. One evening at dinner my brother casually said, “Call my car guy; he goes to auctions and can find what you’re looking for. You can trust him; I’ve bought at least twenty business vehicles through him.”

So on that Monday when the total solar eclipse crossed America, I called my brother’s contact. “I don’t normally get vans,” he said, “but the person who was leasing it backed out of the lease, and then it somehow found its way to me. It has only 287 miles on it. I think it’s meant for you.”

K. Looks like I’m buying a vehicle in Tennessee, not California.

And through this one act of Grace about five thousand million have followed.

Really?

Yes, really.

Even though I haven’t lived in Tennessee for 31-years, my family is still there. In the blink of an eye, I was surrounded by people who wanted to assist me on my journey.

Who?

I’ll make a list.

  • My brother who told me about his business associate.
  • The man who sold Pegi to me (and was very, very fair).
  • My mom who provided two thick L.L.Bean sleeping bags (from a trip to a Canadian island years ago while visiting the man who saved the snail darter), remnant carpet, my grandmother’s step-ladder, an almost 100 year old stool (that my mom needed to step on to get inside Pegi), the fuzzy mattress pad, a camp chair, jumper cables (I could go on and on and on . . . Thanks MOM!)
  • Rob who works at Lowe’s (no relation to THE Rob Lowe, Liz : ) who gave me over an hour of his time one Sunday morning as we pondered how best to build a bed platform.Rob at Lowe's cutting wood.
  • My brother-in-law who that very same Sunday helped me build this just envisioned bed platform.
  • My sister (and her husband) who provided a base-camp, towels and some plastic dishware. (AND a wonderful place to swim!)
  • An efficient sales person at Bed, Bath & Beyond who marched out to Pegi with magnetic curtain rods and insulated curtains in hand, determined to help me find just the right gear.
  • My oldest sister who let me use her sewing machine for hemming and adapting the insulated curtains so I can have some warmth and lots of privacy.
  • A dear friend who brought four lemons and the powder needed to bless Pegi ala Indian fashion.Indian Lemon blessing of a car
  • A longtime friend (who works as a dental hygienist) who gave me loads of dental floss!
  • A wonderful college sorority sister and her husband who let me use their home as my California base camp, AND gave me their Thul-eh!

Do you get the picture? Do you notice that it wasn’t just family but also kind sales people, friends, random strangers?

When you’re Riding the Trust Train, you realize that you’re ALWAYS surrounded by support. Always.

You don’t feel supported? You don’t feel that you’re being helped?

Stop. Take a breath. Maybe even close your eyes and let yourself notice all the help that’s been there for you ALWAYS. Even under the guise of challenges, annoying people. It’s all still help, assistance. Guiding you. Steering you to the best place for you to be in any given moment. Saving you from something that would have been much, much worse.

For this gal who’s Riding the Trust Train, it’s blatantly obvious that I’m not in charge. That a higher power is. That there is a plan in place. Even if I’m the last to know.

•   •   •   •  •

For a bit, I was caught in the whirlwind of building, sewing, pondering.

And then one day, it hit me.

I’ve created a home! My home. A home with wheels. A tiny-tiny-tiny-tiny-tiny tiny house. And it fits me like a glove. Like a well-worn leather glove.

“But, Sj,” you ask, “didn’t you realize that that was what you were doing?”

No. On a certain level, I didn’t.

On a certain level, I was the last to know. The last to get it.

For when you’re the witness, you just witness. Observe. Reflect.

And then with a gentle plop, I landed in my body and saw what God had wrought. And it was good. : )

Mahalo Ke Akua.

Mahalo Dayton, Kurt, Mom, Chris, Casey, Rob, Jan, Mark, Nancy, Hannah, Dwight, Evan, Chantal, Katie, Vicki, Helen, Rich, Bevin, Jocelyne, Mike, Sharon, Ken, Thor, Tanya, Tristan, Sienna, Liz, Jim, Kat, Claire, Paul, Timi, Ed, Janine, Deb(s) . . .

Thank you ALL for your kind and loving support.

If I missed you, I’m sorry. Thank YOU!

When you’ve received five thousand million acts of grace, a few might just slip through your fingers of remembrance.

Mahalo Everyone!

“Now what?” you ask.

Now I go park myself somewhere, show up, and write.

Write what?

No idea.

Remember, when you’re Riding the Trust Train, you simply trust. Listen to your heart. Follow the clues that lie all around you in the most perfect acts of Grace by friends, family, and complete strangers. We passengers on the Trust Train are never alone. Help is always just a breath away. Help is always afoot.

•  •  •  •  •

Stay tuned for a very SHORT video I made so that YOU TOO can experience the transformation of a Nissan NV 200 cargo van into a mini-camper van, aka Pegi.

✫ Sj out ✫